In the old days, young men had to study; they didn't want to be called dunces, so they had to work hard whether they liked it or not. But now, they need only say 'everything in the world is foolery!' and the trick's done. Young men are delighted. And, to be sure, they were simply geese before, and now they have suddenly turned nihilists.
i was running late. sunday mass was to meet in 10 minutes, and i hadn't even left the house yet. i zipped up my jeans, and wiped the creamy, viscous semen from my crotch. i dabbed a moist towelette over the stains to avoid the dry crust that would most certainly incriminate me of my actions. i had arrived only barely missing the beginning of the pastor's sermon, and made my way to where Lori was sitting. and then it caught my eye. on my left hand there were two spots that i had missed. it had already dried, matting down the coarse hair on the back of my index and middle fingers. surely Lori wouldn't notice, but then again we always end up holding hands at some point during the service. i have such strong feelings for her, but if she were to suspect that i engage in self-gratification, especially before church...no i couldn't bear the thought. she is one of the most wholesome and well-mannered girls i know, i would most definitely lose her respect. as i sat down, she kicked me slightly, whispering "where were you?" i quietly mumbled a response. "bad traffic...", i said. i could tell she was upset, but could see in her eyes that she was really glad to see me. i quickly apologized and then directed my focus towards the pastor. and then it happened. in my peripheral vision i could see her extending her right arm, as if in slow motion, out towards me in an effort to join her hand with mine. panic quickly set in. what would i do? she would most certainly notice the dried seminal fluid on my fingers, no doubt about it. and then it came to me. as her fingers were just inches away...i quickly brought my hand up to my face, and began flaring my nostrils. deep, forced inhale. and then let out the best fabricated sneeze sound i could muster. at the same time, using the top of my hand instead of my palm, i let a small bit of saliva eject onto my skin. i then proceeded to nonchalantly rub it in to dissolve the remnants of the encrusted pearlescent fluid.